A father’s gravestone sparked criticism after people noticed a hidden message carved into the memorial.
The stone was installed at Warren-Powers Cemetery in Polk County, Iowa. It marked the grave of Steven Paul Owens, a former Iowa resident.
Owens died on September 2, 2021. His family remembered him as funny, outspoken and full of personality. They wanted his gravestone to reflect who he was in life.
According to his obituary, Owens enjoyed fishing, playing sports and coaching children’s teams. He also enjoyed spending time with his family. He adored his grandchildren and had worked at Highland Memory Gardens and Pine Hill Cemeteries.
Owens later retired from the printing industry. His obituary described him as someone with a sharp sense of humor. It also said his personality left a strong impression on others.
His children wanted a memorial that felt personal rather than formal. The stone appeared ordinary at first glance. The front included his name, birth and death dates.
It also included the phrase: “If you don’t listen, you’ll have to feel.”
Hidden wording divided opinion
The back of the memorial appeared to show a sentimental family tribute. The inscription read: “Forever in our hearts. Until we meet again. Cherished memories. Known as our son, brother. Father, papa, uncle. Friend and cousin.”
At first, nothing about the wording seemed unusual to cemetery visitors. However, people later noticed the first letter of each line. Together, the letters formed an acrostic message.
The hidden message spelled out an expletive phrase. The discovery led to divided reactions online and in the local community. Some people defended the family’s choice as a private joke.
Others said profanity had no place in a cemetery. Several critics argued that grieving families should not encounter the wording nearby. The debate later spread beyond Iowa after the gravestone attracted wider attention.
Steven’s children said the message was not meant to offend strangers. They said it reflected their father’s personality and sense of humor. His daughter Lindsay Owens said the phrase was used affectionately.
“It was definitely his term of endearment,” she said.
“If he didn’t like you, he didn’t speak to you. It’s just who he was.”
His son Zachary Owens said his father often acted irritated playfully. “He was easily fired up, but it was kind of a playful thing,” Zachary explained.
Family defended the memorial
Lindsay said family members often teased Steven to get a reaction. She said the phrase had a specific meaning among those who knew him. “If you got him to tell you to f*** off, it meant he liked you,” she explained.
The family said the hidden message idea came from one of Steven’s cousins. Zachary later said everybody in the family supported the idea immediately. To them, the gravestone was personal rather than offensive.
Cemetery officials disagreed with the family’s decision. Camp Township Trustees, who oversee the cemetery, objected before the stone was installed. They said they did not approve of the hidden profanity.
The memorial company reportedly installed the gravestone despite those objections. That decision increased tension between the family and cemetery management. A representative for the trustees later said the stone should be removed.
“We do not want it there,” the representative said. “It really needs to be removed.”
Officials said the concern was about standards across the whole cemetery. They argued that allowing hidden profanity could make future rules harder to enforce. They also raised concerns about other grieving families visiting nearby graves.
“If we allow profanity of that sort in the cemetery, and that’s okay for that, how are we ever gonna draw a line on anything else?” the representative reportedly added.
Debate continued after installation
Township officials later said they were consulting lawyers about the gravestone. They were considering whether legal action could force its removal. The family said the backlash was hurtful and misunderstood their intentions.
“Our intention was never to offend anyone, ever,” Lindsay explained.
Zachary also asked people to respect how the family remembered their father. “I would just ask that they let us remember our father in the way we remember him.”
He also said visitors were not forced to view the memorial. “No one’s forcing anyone to come out and look at it,” he said. “That’s a choice that you make.”
The controversy first emerged in 2022. It has continued resurfacing online as people rediscover the memorial. Some people still defend the family’s right to personalize the gravestone.
Others say cemeteries should remain traditional and free from profanity. The debate has also raised broader questions about unusual memorials. Some headstones have gone viral for jokes, pop culture references and hidden meanings.
Supporters say Steven’s gravestone captured his humor and family relationships. Critics say public memorials should consider the wider community. Despite the backlash, the gravestone reportedly remains standing at Warren-Powers Cemetery.
The inscription still appears to be a normal farewell message at first. However, the first letters of each line secretly spell: “F*** OFF.”
Featured image credit: WIBW
